I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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