her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
did you just send me my own nude
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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