you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is Oprah even human
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
