the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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