put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
