I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
