im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
