somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it was like eating out sand paper
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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