Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
