My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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