Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
