I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
