Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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