he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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