I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
