thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
