I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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