One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
