I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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