Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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