then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
