i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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