Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
