i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This house was built for laser tag.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
