I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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