Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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