We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO