we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.