I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night