you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.