some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.