sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?