I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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