haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I smell stomach acid.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
