You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
