I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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