This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
