Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
