Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
