Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
