dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
