I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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