Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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