My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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