Where is the hickey?
Soap is not a condiment
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
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I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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