Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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