Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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