i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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