Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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