I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
