she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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