Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
