I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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