Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
