It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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