Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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