The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
