Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no, he came in my armpit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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