we have pet lesbian snakes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
