I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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