Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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