I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
