Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
