It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
