just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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