I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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