I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
