I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
