I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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